The Proposal
The process began with an elaborate marriage proposal and acceptance.
This process was placed in the hands of a go-between that acted as a buffer
between the two parties; a role similar to that of a real estate agent
today. The important parties in proposal and betrothal negotiations were
the parents of the prospective bride and groom rather than the bride and
gro om
themselves.
The primary function of marriage was for continuing the ancestral line
and creating alliances between families; too important of a duty to be
left in the careless hands of the young, When the boy's parents identified
a likely bride-to-be, they would send the go-between to present gifts
to the girl's parents and to sound out their feelings about the match.
If the proposal was well-received, the go-between would obtain the date
and hour of the girl's birth recorded on a formal document.
The groom's family would place this document on the ancestral altar
for three days. If no inauspicious omens, e.g. quarrels between the
parents or a loss of property, took place within that time, the parents
would give the information to an astrological expert to confirm that
the young woman and their son would make a good match. If the boy's
family found the horoscope to be favorable, they gave the boy's birth
date and hour to the go-between to bring to the girl's family, who would
go through the same process.
Only after both outcomes were favorable, would the two families arrange
to meet. Finally face-to-face, each family evaluated the other in terms
of appearance, education, character, and social position. If both were
satisfied they would proceed with the betrothal.
The Betrothal
Both sets of parents initially exchanged family credentials as tokens
of intention. Then, after extensive negotiations, the two families would
agree to the amount of money and merchandise that would comprise the
gift to the girl's family. After presenting engagement tokens, the go-between
would ask the bride's family to chose among several auspicious wedding
dates suggested by the boy's family and also set a date for presenting
betrothal gifts.
The boy's family presented betrothal gifts of money and significant
items such as tea, "Dragon (male) and Phoenix (female)" bridal cakes,
pairs of male and female poultry, sweetmeats and sugar, wine and tobacco,
accompanied by an itemized statement of these gifts. Tea was such a
primary part of these gifts in some areas that they were known collectively
as cha-li, that is, "tea presents." The girl's family reciprocated with
gifts of food and clothing.
It was customary for the girl's family to distribute the bridal cakes
they received from the boy's family to friends and relatives as a form
of announcement and invitation to the wedding feast. The number of cakes
given to each was established according to rigid etiquette, on the basis
of seniority and degree of intimacy. Those who received the bridal cakes
were expected to present congratulatory gifts to the girl's parents.
The boy's family's gifts acknowledged the parents' efforts in raising
the girl and by accepting the gifts, the girl's family pledged her to
the boy's. It is interesting to note that the bride was given to the
family rather than the groom alone. Although the bride and groom probably
had not met yet, betrothal was considered binding unless both families
agreed to annul the contract.
Several days after the presentation of the betrothal gifts, the girl's
family sent porters with an inventoried dowry to the boy's house. The
dowry consisted of practical items, including a chamber pot, filled
for the occasion with fruit and strings of coins. This procession gave
the girl's family the opportunity to display both their social status
and their love for their daughter and wealthy parents often included
servants as gifts to attend their daughter in her new home.
Betrothals generally lasted for a year or two, although child betrothals
would last until the children had grown to marriageable age.
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